


The beauty of envy

by PrexAlizeh



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, F/M, Falling In Love, Heartbreak, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Moving On, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:02:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27642499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrexAlizeh/pseuds/PrexAlizeh
Summary: In her final year of high school y/n realizes many things one of them being that her platonic feelings turned into love for her best friend Kuroo. If that wasn't bad enough she realizes he is in love with his teammate's sister.Story will contain few love interests,some may be connected to y/n while other will revolve around Kuroo Tetsurou.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Reader, Haiba Alisa/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader
Comments: 10
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

For years and years you'd always push your feelings aside. It's not like you didn't regret that but the voice in your head kept repeating that it was for greater good. If your family or friends were happy that should mean you're happy too. And there will be so many more chances,right?

The feeling that developed along the time was envy. You first thought it was jealousy but the terms sorted themselves out and you were left with bitter taste.

Person living in your head was angry at world but you couldn't blame anyone for the decisions you made. You were selfish towards yourself in a way. Wanting everyone to be happy in order for you to be happy. Like that ever worked.

"So when will you approach her?"-your lips parted in a smirk that wasn't sincere at all.

"What do you mean?"

"Let's not play games Kuroo. Your eyes are always searching for her. Even if your lips try and lie your body language says it all."

It was true. Every time you searched for his eyes, you saw that his searched for her. You felt pathetic and just stopped caring. Well, pretended to stop caring. In order to mask the embarrassment of being able to feel human emotions, you became the best actress the world has probably seen.   
You knew you'd hurt yourself by asking him that, yet you still persuaded the topic. Better to get your feelings hurt now and get over it soon.   
"What do you know? You have never told me who you like, I might just assume it's me."- he laughed full heartedly as your cheeks went dark red.   
"Hey! Don't joke like that!"-you pushed him away from you as he started laughing even harder.  
"Oh so you do have a crush on me. Wow, I guess you should start sending me gifts and proposals in order for us to date. Hey,hey,hey stop it, you'll hurt my pretty face!"- he was laughing as if it was nothing.   
That's what you were scared of. People laughing at you. Making you seem inferior to the world. That stings.

"Whatever, I'm going home. Bye."-you got up and started running towards the bus station.  
"Wait up y/n ! Don't be a child. You're so immature."- he got up and dusted his pants before running after you.

You didn't want to see him right now. Your social battery ran out and your ego got hurt. You'll talk with him about that later if you gather enough courage to express yourself.

He was jogging fast enough to reach you but not fast enough to stop you from getting on the bus. You waved as it took off and he shook his head.  
He looked down at his watch and then looked back up at you. He smirked and waved and before you know it he became a blurry spot in the distance.

Stupid Kuroo and stupid Alissa and stupid world and stupid feelings and stupid everything.

If you were like other girls you knew, you'd try and ruin it for them. There was always a way for you to do that. But you won't. That's what old you would do. You changed and you are becoming better person. The old quote replayed in your head as you knew what was the right thing to do.

_If he's happy, then I'm happy._


	2. Chapter one

The atmosphere in the room was very unpleasant for everyone around you. You wouldn't back down or accept the situation. They were all looking back and forth between you and team captain expecting one to break.  
Finally the old man dropped his smile and shook his head. You smiled wider and gave thumbs up to everyone in team. 

"Fine. But only for one week." 

"One week is more than enough,thank you sir. I'll make sure they all do good job on exams. " 

Since you joined their volleyball team you couldn't stop realizing how passionate some people are. Once again your envy came out and you hated yourself for it.  
But your job as a manager became priority and you decided to take it upon yourself to help everyone out and create the place where everyone will feel better than good.  
The trainings became so tiring that you were sure noone could keep up. You've noticed complaints during breaks and chitchats and you decided to take things in your hands.  
One week free of practice in order for everyone to finish their exams and to rest their muscles.   
Old coach was a pain in the back but you had your way and sure enough you made it.  
It was your final year in high school and you were going to make it the best one yet. 

"Hey y/n some of us are thinking about renting a cabin in the mountains so we can rest and study. Wanna come?"  
As much as you wanted your parents would be strongly against it. Deciding between lying and telling the truth in this moment was hard. Was it better to make up a story they'd all buy or to tell a truth and get deeper into topic and be potentially made fun off? 

"I'm sorry but I don't think I can go. My parents won't allow it. They think you guys are punks and would hurt me so they won't let me." 

"We? Punks? Since when?" 

"Yea, my dad is a bit overprotective and stuff so he thinks all guys are trolls. He barely lets me hang out with Kuroo." 

That was all true. But it's fine...Maybe...  
"That sucks. Can't you ask them nicely? We can all go and ask with you. And you won't be only girl, Lev's sister will come too. That will make a difference?" 

"I doubt but I'll try." 

So she will come too...Well you could use her as an argument to get the ball on your side of court but it will be tough. Your mom may say yes but dad...  
Whatever, you'll try it. Just for the sake of saying you didn't give up that easily. 

As you walked out of the school property and towards the train station you realized something. She will be there alone with everyone if you don't go too.  
Why must world test you every day. Can't you have a break for once?  
House was quiet when you stepped in. Nothing unusual. Time to clean around the house and make yourself some food. Then to go and study and then sleep and then wake up and repeat everything. 

~Hey brat, open the door.  
~~Whatchu want?  
~I came to study,duh?  
~~mhmm no  
~Don't test me I'm tired. Open the door  
~~did you bring snacks?  
~Yes,now open up i dont wanna be smuggled into black market out here 

He was going on your nerves lately for no apparent reason but he was still your friend. You appreciated him for staying by your side even though he knew you were petty and mean and many more colorful attributes. What a good guy. 

"Get inside you hobo." 

"What a warm welcome, I can't imagine how you greet other people if this is how you treat me." 

"I simply don't open the door. And I don't treat you any better than the rest. It's just that you ended up being my friend with unfortunate chain of events." 

He made himself at home without you having to try and waltz around and pretend to be a housewife which was nice. 

"You know, if I didn't know you, I'd think you're an asshole. But you're not. You just pretend to be someone you're not."  
He started placing stuff on the dining table and you realized he went home and showered and then went straight towards your house. 

"Next time please announce to me that you're coming. House could've been a mess."-your eyes watched his back as he still moved stuff around before turning towards you. 

He had a pretty smile on his face. Green hoodie suited him nicely and you knew you wanted to hug him. All his clothes smelled like vanilla but he always used some pleasant manly colognes. 

"You know I don't mind the mess. Your parents are busy and you're lazy so it's okay if it's a bit untidy around the place."  
He maybe didn't realize it but you were watching him with such an adoration. Even tho he was teaching you how to do stuff which your brain couldn't comprehend, he looked so kind. He was trying his best in every field and you knew he was doing it to busy himself from overthinking.   
He was a good guy in every shape and form. Noone could hate someone like him. He truly was perfect.  
Even when everything was slipping out of control he somehow was able to balance it out.   
Before you knew you liked him, you looked up to him and tried to be like him. 

"Hey?! Was I explaining all this to the wall?" 

"To be honest you lost me at acid something. Sorry?"  
"Just pay attention ok. Stop me as soon as you don't understand what I'm talking about. You need this stuff for entrance exam, that's why I'm showing it to you." 

Two hours of him teaching you passsed by and your mom finally arrived back home. She brought dinner with her and you set cutlery and ceramics on table. Kuroo joined you as the two basically gossiped about you in front of your plate. Your parents liked him very much. From all the talk and teasing they did you realized they hoped you'd date him. Unfortunately this was above you.   
He was perfect and he deserved someone perfect. Alisa was perfect. They were both perfect. They suited each other. 

"I'll go to the toilet."-you shot up from the table as they eyed you.  
This was happening more often than you liked it. You'd excuse yourself after thinking about the two of them together and then you'd shed few rage tears away from the world. You'd feel bad about yourself but then you'd be disgusted and then you'd pity yourself and then someone would call out for you and it woudl end there. 

"You okay y/n?"-your mom called out from outside the door as you collected yourself. 

"Can't a girl poop in peace in this house?" 

She sighted and warned about language before returning to Kuroo. It was time for your dad to get back home and he'd make Kuroo stay even longer and you had no patience for that tonight.   
"I'm back from my vacation. I saw so many sights in toilet. The rich patterns on toilet paper were filled with history and if you pressed the right tile on the wall a secret door would open and let you experience the magic..."-your speech was cut off. 

"Ah, as much as I want to know about your toilet adventure , I'm sure you're tired." 

He was packing all the books and you quickly ran up to him and hugged him. He was started but engaged in hug. This was something you two shared in common. Love for hugs. Both of you were somewhat touch starved but hugs brought you joy and missing warmth. 

"I will go home now. Have to go through some homework and then sleep. Kenma and me are going to visit his friend in Miyagi area tomorrow."-your mom waited by the door with plastic bag and stuff in it. 

"Oh, have fun. Say hi to Kenma from me. Also he left some USB in the locker room the other day. I picked it up after practice. Wait up, I'll go get it." 

You ran towards your room and opened few drawers before finding the missing chip. That was enough time for your mom to warn Kuroo about something you wish to deal by yourself. 

"Kuroo we see you as a part of family but please watch over y/n. You both are at age where it's easy to fall in love and develop feelings. Please make sure noone hurts her. She may never say it but she feels deeply." 

"Don't worry ma'am. I will do my best for her. Also I wish you'd let her come with few guys from team and Alisa and me in cabins in mountains. We'll spend a weekend there before exam week. To relax and study and hang out. It's our last year so we want to have some fun." 

You got back in time to see them both smiling and you didn't pay much attention to it. Chip was passed to Kuroo who bid you farewell and left. 

"He's a nice guy." 

"I know." 

I know that better than anyone...


	3. Chapter two

This wasn't what you expected. She was so perfect it hurt you. You can't find a reason to hate her no matter how hard you tried. She was just perfect.   
Guys were having fun and she was trying to make you love her without even trying. It was getting on your nerves. You cought yourself slipping and wrote it off to how tired you were.   
Of course your act could fool them to a certain point but if you continuously repeat same mistake you'd be done for.  
Luckily for you it ended soon and you were able to be by yourself for few moments.  
When the bus arrived at the station everyone was quick to leave and pick up their belongings.   
You waited for everyone to take out their baggage and then just before the driver closed the space you grabbed your duffel bag. There wasn't many things in it. Few pieces of clothes, some hygiene products and shoes. It was 3 day trip. You didn't need whole closet with you. Food was in backpack and mini fridge so you once again didn't have to carry that many stuff. 

Since few more people decided to tag along with you it was decided you'd share a bed with the only girl that was there. Maybe two more girls would join you but still you didn't know anything.  
Lev was carrying his sisters things and if it wasn't for that you'd make Kuroo offer to help her out. Since he liked her you'd give him advice on what to do. Good samaritan... 

"Give me your bag. I'll carry it for you."  
He nudged your side to make you drop the thing but you were stubborn and liked being independent so there's no way you'd let him. 

"No I'm good." 

"You're not." 

"I am." 

"You're not." 

"I am." 

... 

"You're not. It's heavy and you have to carry all that." 

"Okay how about this. I'll carry it until my arms get tired, then you can take over?"-you raised eye brows suggestively as if that is making offer any better. 

"Hmmm how about you just don't be a brat for once and let me carry it. I promised your mom to protect you." 

"Clearly great Kuroo forgot the definition of a brat. Look, I'm feeling fine doing this. And no need to protect me, I'm not a baby." 

"Wow, I can't even be nice towards you because you take it to seriously." 

"Stop bickering and walk at normal speed. You are like 30 meters away from everyone. You're walking at speed of race horses."-Yaku yelled as he tried to keep up since he's out of breath.  
"Sorry Yaku, we'll do just that."-you glared at Kuroo who was already glaring at you. 

"Shouldn't you be spending time with Alisa and not fighting with me?" 

"I... Well you see... Hmmm." 

"She's just like Lev so it'll be easy to talk with her. Don't worry, I also don't think Lev would even realize you're flirting with his sister. He's clueless."everything you said was true. You might've been biting your tongue to say few things but it wasn't your place anyways. 

"I do want to talk with her but I also want to spend time with you guys. Once high school is over we won't be together any more."  
The part of the story you were hiding from your friends is that you'd move to Europe once the school finishes. You'd study to become a doctor in Vienna. Your parents arranged everything and all you had to do was take entrance exam. It wasn't just a thing you could bring over the brunch or late night walk.   
They knew your plans to study in medical field but that was about it. You and Kuroo were studying together and apart from that yoh were learning German in order to start your education as quick as possible. 

"Kuroo don't worry. I'm sure others won't mind if you spent time with her." 

"It's not about others. I want this to be the best trip where we all have fun and you know,..."  
"Ahhh,no. Bai"- you dipped it up the dirt road as he yelled behind you and then Yaku yelled and you heard rest of group laughing and yelling as well. 

There was only one road and it went straight ahead so you wouldn't get lost. The faster you reach the rented cabin the better. Now that the forest was on both sides, it was calm and pretty. Air was different from the one in city and there was no unpleasant noise. The further you went the harder it was to walk.   
Your arms and legs were tired but you weren't giving up. Finally you could breath out and bot worry about anything.  
When you finish your education you should move to the countryside. It's peaceful.

"Why did y/n leave us?" 

"She wanted to be the first one there." 

"She is very competitive. And stubborn. And stupid. And herself." 

"What and who y/n is? She's difficult. But it's okay." 

"Sometimes it's annoying but she's not malicious." 

"Lev and I talked about y/n a lot. She seems like Kenma but she is different a bit." 

"Maybe that's why Kuroo is friends with her, she does resemble him a bit." 

"Stop gossiping and start moving." 

Place was fairly big. The cost of it should be pricier because it looks very new and clean. There was a small pond with fish in it and there was a bit patio on both sides. It had a fireplace and few logs around it. It would be a wonderful place to always live and and not just rent. That's what you could tell from the outside.

"Did you wait for us for too long?"-you heard familiar voice and smiled while nodding the head. 

"You all are so slow. I was thinking of going back to find you. Should've taken keys from Yaku."


	4. Chapter three

It was almost end of first day and you have successfully avoided all your problems. Alisa and Lev were hanging out by themselves and few other while you had time away from everyone. Kuroo was taking a role of a leader here as well and it was familiar and comforting.  
The view frim the top was beautiful. From here you could see stars and my oh my was it majestic. You forgot it was time to leave and now everyone was far ahead.   
Normal person would be scared for being left at the top of a mountain by themself but it wasn't like something bad will happen. It will all be fine. Just few kilometers down the road and you'll be back with everyone.   
Few deep breaths and you were back to normal. There is nothing dangerous in nature.  
Your mind wasn't scared after some time. It was maybe 40 minutes in your walk when you realized noone probably even noticed you were gone.   
That made you angry. Well if it's like that then why don't you just go home. Or even better, waltz into the woods away from the path and make them all worry, if they even notice you're not there. Hmph. 

~~Hey mom  
~Hey baby, where you at right now?  
~~Oh I'm getting ready for dinner. I'm in bathroom why?  
~Just checking to see how you are. Are you lonely? Is everything okay? You feeling well?  
~~Mom please don't worry, I'm just fine. If I wasn't I would have called dad to come for me.  
That was half true. Your parents loved you, you knew that. They wanted you to have so much fun on this trip and if you called for them to get you , well, that would make them very worried and then it would trigger so much questioning and you didn't have enough in you to answer them all. 

~Take care baby. Text me before bed so I know you're all fine. Love you.  
~~Love you too mom. 

Phone call ended with you self pitying yourself but there was no time for that now.  
Noone even came back to check on you, or text you or anything. What a sleazy excuse for friends. Well they'll sure see better of you.  
As you reached the gate of cabin you saw them all together.  
Fire was cracking and they were having fun without you. They waved at you and you just walked past them and into house. 

"Wait up!" 

Blame it on your birth chart, but you weren't happy with any of this. You'll lock yourself up and try not to get to violent. Old you is staying buried deep down. All negative emotions are waking up your ego and that won't go well for others. 

"Will you unlock the door y/n?" 

Well you sure won't do that. If he was such a great friend why didn't he do something earlier. You were gone for so long. If it was him you'd chek out to see if everything was good.  
"If you don't wanna talk just say so, don't go and play some games." 

This time his voice was mad. So he has the right to be mad at you? Psh. Well well well. What a scene you should make. 

No. 

"I have to change idiot, I'll be out soon." 

He sighted behind the doors. You were sure to put on a facade. So say you fell in wet grass and that you ran so noone saw you. You were embarrassed and locked the door so noone sees. That should be enough to throw him off your back. 

"I fell while going down. It was dark so I didn't see well and then next thing I know, my ass is wet and I had to hide it from everyone."-he shook his head and smiled before closing the door behind him. 

"Why didn't you tell so? I thought something was wrong."something was wrong but you didn't care enough about to see it Kuroo. 

What best friend wouldn't see through that act. Disappointing. Maybe if you were Kenma or Alisa or anyone else he'd be able to see through you. In moments like this you wish you had guts to speak everything you felt. But that's so not you. That's something weaklings do. Tough people never show their emotions, their plans and their next move be known.

"You took you sweet time going down the mountain y/n." 

"I wanted to be kidnapped by extremely handsome vampire that would then marry me and we'd live in castle and dance tango at midnight while y'all would study for geography test." 

"Cut it out and come eat. Alisa saved you dinner because others planned on eating it." 

"Isn't she an angel. Thank you honey. I won't forget that." 

You didn't like her for 2 reasons. One,Kuroo had a crush on her and two, she was perfect. But at this moment she grew more in your eyes.  
"I wanted to wait with you and to go back for you but they said no. They said you like to wander on your own. I thought I'd disrupt your peace."-her lips,her cheeks smiled,her eyes smiled, she was shining with how pure she was. 

"Alisa I appreciate the thought. To be honest I wanted to stay few more minutes and I thought someone would stay behind with me but you all left." 

That was a very meaningful glare you gave to everyone there. Only person you can't wait to see now is Akaashi. You'd wake up as soon the sun was out and make pancakes because he loves them. He was only person who really was sincere to his core. You read him very well from the start and he knew it. That's why you were close.  
"I am tired so I'll be going to sleep. Stay safe and don't invite me if you have group bang." 

Few laughed and you smiled at them before stretching and jogging up to cabin.  
This way you'd once again avoid it all. The only person that cared about you wasn't here. She sure wouldn't treat you like the rest of world. You miss her. Soon you'll see her. When school year ends you'll be with her again. University life with her will be the best thing you can ask for. 

Few tears slipped through your lashes as you brushed your teeth. To your surprise you weren't alone. Platinum blondie was watching you from the doorframe. She had a sad expression on her face and soon her tall self was clinging on you.  
"Oh why are you crying y/n? Are you hurt?" 

"Alisa please compose yourself. And speak in lower voice please. I don't want others to worry."-she nodded and wiped her watery eyes. 

"What happened?" 

"I guess I can share this with you. But don't tell anyone,please." 

"I promise." 

"My best friend moved away and I really miss her. I can only talk with her online and I need her right now. I have helplessly fallen in love with someone and they don't like me back so I need her to hug me and be with me until I feel better."  
Her eyes started to water again and yours watered even more. She started crying and you instinctively ran up to lock the doors.   
It felt genuine. She was so kind. You wish you were like that. 

"Please don't cry Alisa. It's okay." 

"No it's not okay. You're so sad but you always smile. You always take care of Lyovochka and team and noone ever asks you if you're okay." 

Who thought you'd be helping someone else stop crying about how miserable your life was... 

"Alisa! Get it together! Strong girls don't cry."-her eyes widened before she hugged you once again.  
This time hug didn't break for few minutes. She quietly sniffled as you pat her back. She was an angel. Her hug was familiar. Almost like your best friend's hug. Alisa smelled like wild strawberries. Her hair was silky and her clothes were very soft on touch. She was definition of goddess. 

"Alisa you're very beautiful and kind. I'm sorry for making you pity me." 

Her green orbs shifted a bit as she scanned your appearance. Not like there was much to see. Maybe it was but you really didn't know. Confidence and everything else depended on the day. 

"Well I am sure you've heard this many times, but you're gorgeous. Everything is. You look like some cute ferret."  
That was a first and probably last time someone compared you to a ferret. Goodness she was adorable as well as everything else. If Kuroo don't end up dating her you might try.  
Haiba genes had some angelic qualities to them... Man this situation sucks. It's easier to hate someone if you don't like them. 

"Alisa what you say we go for a walk early tomorrow?My friend will arrive and I don't wanna be asleep when he comes." 

"Ooooo that sounds amazing. I'll go and tell Lev to get ready for bed and to brush teeth. Be right back."

"If you must."


	5. Chapter four

The view of sunrise over the forest and early morning fog and dew was just what you needed. Steep path left you without a breath but it was nothing compared to this.  
Smell of herbal balm coming from temple made it even better. Wind chimes created a simple tune after each breeze but that only made the scenery more majestic.  
It was like time was nonexistent and only this moment was what matters. 

"Thank you for taking me with you f/n." 

Alisa smiled and started to take photos around her. Newborn sun was bathing her features in so much warmth that you vere envious of. Without even trying she was better in everything. She was winning this one sided war. 

"Let's go back before others arrive. I want to make something for my friends." 

On your way back Alisa seemed a bit quieter. She was thinking something but wouldn't say what. Your eyes would shine with each time she took a breath but stopped herself. Just as you reached base of the rocky part of the mountain she spoke up. 

"Why are you so tensed around us? Do you not like us?" 

"I'm sorry if I gave that impression but I was just tired. Sometimes even I need a break." 

Her face broke into a regretful pout and she grabbed your hands. Her pale fingures hugged your hand and she looked you in the eyes while trying to give the best comforting smile. 

"I like you f/n. Please let me spend more time with you." 

Your face quickly got flushed and smoke started escaping your ears. 

"Ah sorry I don't swing that way ahaha...." 

She poited and craned her neck a bit before realizing how her words and actions seemed. 

"Ah sorry sorry! I didn't mean it in that way! Ah I am sorry, I apologize for making you uncomfortable!" 

"It's ok...You almost gave me a heart attack because of this rejection I had to say on spot." 

She giggled and pulled you in hug. Well her live language surely was touch and physical affection. 

"I just think you're so amazing y/n. You're so smart and you always know what to say. I have never seen you down, even when it was really hard. You always cheer on team better than cheerleader squad and all of them listen to you. Lev really likes when you help him out, he said to me that you were always kind to him even when other third years treated him differently. I saw how you take care of everyone, it's really amazing. There is so much on your shoulders but you just always walk like it's all feathers and air." 

Praises you were getting made you realize that people were acknowledging your work. Even if it was Alisa and Lev only it made you feel better. Her words were repeating themselves and getting engraved in your mind like it was a poem. 

"Alisa thank you. I really appreciate this. You don't even know how much this means to me." 

"I thought you should get good words. Maybe others don't tell you that but I'm sure they mean it. When we were still going towards the cabin everyone was talking about you. They say you're difficult and stubborn but my mom told us that those are the qualities only great people possess." 

"Alisa Haiba I will remember you and make sure I protect your name from bad words. An angel is who you are."

When clock hit nine in the morning your stomach started twisting from excitement. Akaashi will be here with other any moment now. They left bus and were climbing toward you.  
Table was filled with all sorts of breakfast delicacies and you were extra careful while decorating. If there was one person on this world you would call God's gift to humans, it would be Akaashi Keiji.   
He was like a brother to you, a figure you looked up to even though he was younger. If it wasn't for your best friend you would have never found out that there are good people in this world.  
After your friend moved away she ended her relationship with Keiji. He was heartbroken but he knew she did it so both of them didn't suffer. Long distance relationships were hard and you had to put lot of yourself in order for it to work.   
After her departure both of you were sobbing for days in each other's company. Naturally the bond was created and now it was like you two grew up together. 

His distance outlook made you read him very well. He wasn't complicated but he didn't give out his traits left and right like his friend did. When looking at Keiji and Koutaro you would think they are like soulmates. The way you were staring at Kuroo was the same one Bokuto gave to Akaashi. 

"Hey,hey,HEY!" 

"Good morning." 

Four people walked in and your eyes meet with beautiful blue ones. For the first time on this trip you felt warm in your heart, like you had someone to go to. 

Hug was enough. One hug truly was enough. It expressed everything better than words could. It showered person with more love than any kiss was able to. A secret language of people starved and mute of emotions. 

"I missed you." 

"I can see that. Bokuto please don't eat that before washing your hands." 

"Hey! Don't go after the food first, what happened to hello? How are you? Tch." 

"Well you clearly have favorites here..."- yellow eyed boy spoke up while crossing his arms over his chest. Guy and girl that were carrying most of the things shrugged everything by the door before stretching. 

"Well the party can start now that we're here."


	6. Chapter five

It was such a nice breakfast. Everyone was having fun and joking around and you felt at home. With Fukurodani folks you felt more welcomed than with Nekoma. It was weird but you didn't mind it. Maybe you should've transferred in Fukurodani years ago. Maybe they would be your family, not that they're not one now. The closeness and cheerfulness they radiated brought you so much joy that your heart wanted to consume it like a drug. 

"Wanna go for a walk? I want to wish a prayer in nearby temple."- Akaashi got up and offered a hand which you gratefully took.  
"Why can't I go?" 

"Bokuto you should wake up Kuroo. There is whipped cream on the table. You catching the drift?" 

You winked as the ligh bulb turned on in his head. You felt bad for setting them up but this was the only way you'd get to be alone with Akaashi for some time. 

The whole time you climbed up you two were catching up with what is going on with your lives. It was heartwarming how he didn't judge you for anything and actually admitted to being confused by some of your actions. He wasn't rude but more of blunt when expressing what's wrong. His smile was worth millions.   
Your friend was lucky girl to fall in love with him and to get him as her boyfriend. 

"What did you wish for?" 

"Well you shouldn't tell your wish because then it won't come true." 

"What if I guess it right?" 

"I don't want to test my luck." 

"Aaaaaa I hate not knowing what us going on." 

"Wow your life must be so hard then f/n. Imagine not knowing what's in rest 80% of ocean or on other habitable planets in cosmos."

The view from this side of mountain was even better. World looked so small, everything seemed to lay on a palm right in front of you. Birds were chirping and the breeze from earlier slowed down. 

"I am moving to Vienna in September."- this caught Akaashi off guard as he spun to face you.  
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" 

"I don't want to make anyone feel a burden to treat me differently because I won't be here any more."  
"When did you plan to tell everyone else? When did you plan to tell me?" 

His eyes showed emotion similar to the one Alisa displayed last night but with crumb different connotation. 

"Akaashi I didn't plan on that. I would feel sad and if I just disappeared one day then it'd be better." 

He shifted on the bench and was eyeing you closely now. It was very hard decision that took you so long to make. He should know. Akaashi's and yours friendship wasn't like his and Bokuto's. You were close enough to leave and for this to affect both of you.

"For how long?" 

"I think forever. I don't want to come back here knowing I have noone. My parents will be only thing waiting for me here. My brother is in Rio, my grandparents in Vienna and only person who wants me here is you." 

"That's not true." 

"I like Kuroo more than a friend but he likes Alisa. I don't want him to know. I feel very sad here and I can't seem to work properly in this city." 

"Oh."-his brain was attacked with two big informations and it was trying to process them as fast as it could while his heart got used to them. 

"I...I wanted to start drinking again. Without my parents knowing. I barley stopped doing it two years ago. I can't go back to my ways. I need to clear my head from all this mess." 

"I'll tell you something soon but just know that I am here for you. No matter what time of day and night or where or with who I'm with, if you need me, I'll be by your side in seconds." 

"Akaashi thank you. You may not hear it often but you're an amazing person. I admire you so much. I wish there was a way for me to express my love for you in magic because I'd." 

He smiled and placed your head over his chest. He laid on the bench and pulled you over him. This felt nice. Why didn't you fall in love with Akaashi and not Kuroo. Wait that's wrong. He's your best friend's ex. 

Just for few moments you will rest in his arms. His heart beat was steady and it felt like lullaby for your sleepy self. He must be tired to. This bench seemed like the most comfortable thing in whole world now. 

"Wake up y/n." 

Hmmmmhhh....  
"Few more minutes." 

...... 

"GET UP YOU LAZY PIG!" 

Before you had time to react you were pulled off of Akaashi's chest and you ate dirt. You hit ground face first and you were sure that if this didn't break you nose, nothing else will. 

"Why'd you do that?!" 

"You weren't getting up even though I yelled at you for ten minutes!" 

"Kuroo you are an ass. Why couldn'tyou just let me sleep here?..." 

You were tired and cranky.  
Last night you had few hours of sleep before getting up and this was such a nice place to sleep at and you didn't feel restless for the first time in months.  
He just had to ruin it. Jerk. 

Weather changed. Beforeyour small nap by Keiji's side sun was fully blooming but now grey clouds started flyingover your heads. It was good thing Kuroo came for the two of you. You would catch the rain if you didn't move it then. 

The grill was smoking and someone was playing songs on speaker. Group was enjoying themselves and it felt like a scene from a movie. 

This was the first time you didn't want day to end. He was eloquent and smart and a person everyone can count on. Sometimes you would think how God sent his best angel to help you in your darkest times. Akaashi was a wingless angel, his halo didn't need to be above his head since his words shined brighter than anything else. 

"Hey, y/n can you help me here for a bit?"-Yaku called out from cabin and you obliged. 

He stood by the table where there were piles of plates and forks, chopsticks, knives and bowls with salads. You realized he needed help to set everything up for this very big group of people and that was a task for an octopus or few people. Fast and efficient. 

"Listen I think Kuroo likes Alisa and as his friends we should set them up. I will try my best to make it happen before trip ends." 

Your head would've almost snapped in his direction but self control was clear. It seems everyone was rooting for the two of them. This also meant that Yaku couldn't read your emotions and behavior. If he was cat you were fox. So unpredictable and unreadable that even his sharp observation skills couldn't work through. 

"Yea sure, you do that. I don't have any experience with love so I'll stay away and support them when chances show up."-that smile was more fake than your motivation to workout on Sundays. 

"Great. Take those to the left of table so everyone can reach them easily. I will put the drinks next to them. Thanks." 

Next few hours were spent in so much talk and laugh but your brain was plotting and creating net of possibilities and options. A mess of ideas and schemes was plotted. 

This was full envy. Petty and envy. 

It was more of a game for you now. When something switched in your brain you decided to push your luck. Mischievous side appeared and now you wanted to play. What could you do to make things difficult for everyone. Who will quit first? How far can they go? You'll drop the first clue soon enough and then stop and be in state of statics for some time waiting for next move. 

Should you make Kuroo go for it because Alisa was surely oblivious to how she looked like. Kuroo will be embarrassed for all the ghosting he will get in return, his flirting will be returned with politeness that will feel like rejection. 

NO NO NO! 

What the hell is wrong with you... This is wrong....Soooooo wrong.... You changed. You are not that problematic kid from two years ago. 

And how could you do this to Kuroo...No matter how much you loved him you shouldn't be selfish to wish him all for yourself. 

Why would you put your happiness above someone elses. Kuroo deserves all the love in this world. God he went through hell and was still this perfect... 

Why did you just think like that...The wolf changes his coat but not his temper.

Stop it. 

Fix yourself f/n. 

We are better than this. 

I am sorry for even thinking this Kuroo. 

I am sorry bsf/n for returning to my old way of thinking. 

I am sorry Keiji for if you knew what I thought you would be disappointed. 

I am sorry. 

I AM SORRY! 

I AM SORRY!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe you all should go and see picture called The Silent Voice by Gerald Edward Moira. It should somewhat represent the way y/n feels whenever that little voice in herself starts talking.


	7. Chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will contain topics that are hard to swallow for some people such as alchohol abuse,car crash and depression(¿) so if you are not comfortable with it please don't read.

"You know y/n I have seen many cases like yours. I want to say it's normal but it really isn't. Teenagers should live happy and carefree lives and not get wasted." 

The situation you were in wasn't comfortable. Corners of your eyes hirt from dried tears and you felt so angry and sad. This was never supposed to happen. 

Just in a snap of fingers all the power you were collecting was taken from you. You couldn't erase what has happened that night and that means you just gambled your future away. 

"Listen I understand that your actions can be written of to underage drinking, you are sixteen, we have all been there. I know the pressure from peers is hard and that you just wanted to fit in but we need to fix lot of things."

Of course that little skunk would snitch on you. But if it wasn't for him maybe you wouldn't be there. Maybe you wouldn't survive the night. The feeling of not being able to get to breathe and feeling like your skin will burn off of you even tho the coldness resembled on of a dead man. But why were you so angry at him? He saved your life... 

"Here is how things will go. Every Monday and Friday you will be coming here and we will have an hour long session. Then you will go home and write what's bothering you about the topic we unfold. I will make sure that cops and authorities know what's up so you don't get sent to juvie." 

Why did your fun had to end...  
How did everything got turned upside down...  
You feel guilty even though you know it wasn't your fault.  
This isn't what you signed up for. 

"What you need to do now is go home and think about what happened. I know you may regret that night for the rest of your life but it wasn't you who drove the car. It wasn't only you who abused alchohol that night."

Exactly a year after the accident you went to the place by yourself. It was windy and sunny day. There seemed to be fresh flowers left on the unfortunate spot.   
The small bouquet under your windbreaker wasn't as glamorous but was this what really mattered?  
After the incident they put safety railing and now noone could do whay you and your group did last year.  
You sat on grass and places flowers next to the ones that were already there.  
You sniffled but it wasn't from cold wind...  
The person that suffered here was a total stranger to you. Their family told you never to dare and come talk with them or try and make things better and it was with full right.  
For half of the past year your parents pulled connections and paid lawyers in order for you not to have any criminal record. They were fighting for your future but each day in court was spent with you rethinking how it all went down.  
One day you were the emperor of fortune but the very next everything was taken from you. 

But that pesky boy continued to terrorize you. He acted like you were friends, like he had something to do with you. When you were in hospital he came with schoolwork and bag of fruits. When you got home he dropped by each day and annoyed you with his worrying.   
He was so annoying. He was like this since middle school. Thinking you were friends or something...  
What does he want from you? Wasn't your bullying and cruel words enough to make him go away? 

On that night he called your parents and reported what bad happened prior to the crash. If it wasn't for him you and your group sure would have suffered.  
He was trying to stop you all from entering that car and he tried to make you realize how stupid the situation was.  
Why wouldn't he quit bothering you...  
You two used to be friends but now you had your own group...Why can't he realize that... 

"I am sorry sir. I know this won't change anything but I hope you forgive us. May your soul live in peace and move on." 

Your group was now nothing but history. Boy with previous records got sent to juvenile detention, two others moved to live with their grandparents and your family decided on taking a fresh start by moving homes. You thought that would stop that boy from coming over but it didn't.  
Even though he was no longer your neighbor he continued coming and visiting you. 

"Sir can I change? Did I change? I know this is a lot to ask from you but watch over me,please...I don't want to ever repeat that night. I remember little of what happened. It was like I watched through someone else's eyes. I blacked out and felt like I was the one dying. Nurse said that it was almost two deaths on that evening. I never want to touch alcohol again. I am sorry. Please help me change so I never repeat my mistake." 

Your parents knew where you would go. The first few times that you went out they followed you. You were forbidden of talking with the people you were in car that night. Your phone privilege and privacy stopped existing. It was like you were monitored 24/7.  
But your sorrow and regret were bigger than anything at that moment. Every time you left your home you would go to that spot and cry.  
They didn't know what to do. Once in your life that you needed your parents to say "It will all be okay.", they weren't there.  
It was all useless in the end. The therapy, the removal of allegations, the price that you were supposed to pay was not served. 

What you did learn was to stop wanting anything. Become empty in order to please everyone. You messed up bad time so now you shouldn't have any say in anything. 

"I will come visit you soon sir." 

Pair of eyes watched you patiently for how many hours you spent there. Hazel in them knew you were going through pain. He saw you visit this spot so many times that he stopped counting.  
Each time you would sit and cry your hearts out like it was shrine and you were asking gods for forgiveness.  
Maybe he didn't understand your pain that well but he wanted to be there for you.  
That's what friends do.  
You were there for him when he thought life was meaningless. You made him smile on days he wanted nothing more than to bury himself in anger.  
Your eyes showed him you were kind person that your actions didn't seem to show.  
He wished you could realize that you weren't alone.   
He will try even harder to make you be happy again.  
If not for you, for him.  
It was your happiness and smiles that pushed him. How can he continue if the thing he loved the most were gone?

"Well y/n I guess we won't be seeing each other any more. I am happy for you." 

"Yeah, it must be from all the hard work you put." 

"It was both of us that pushed you to your limits and now it is all up to you. If there ever is a change in your being come back to me. We will find a way out." 

"Thank you. Goodbye. I hope to never have to see you again." 

"Goodbye y/n. Stay safe. I don't want to see you in these conditions ever again." 

Last day. This was the last session you had. You are finally free. The world is finally back in your hands. Your phone, your lock on the doors, your freedom, it's back. After almost two years you are finally free. There is nothing in you that feels the need to blame yourself any more.  
Maybe it's not gone but it won't trouble you so much like before. 

As you opened the door to your bedroom your eyes shed so many tears. This is finally the new chapter. Your life had new meaning and you finally ended the chapter of your life that ruined you inside.  
This one is all about rebuilding the better you.  
No more selfish behavior and no more anger. Only love and patience.  
Finally you will be able to love everything this life has to offer without feeling ill in the stomach.  
And you had friends right by your side. The real friends.


	8. Chapter seven

Akaashi's head rested on your lap and you played with his curls while chattering the night away. His petite smile and soft voice occupied you so much that you didn't even notice your certain raven haired was making a move.   
Girl next to him was giggling and shaking her head as he snaked a hand around her waist. His actions left her blushing and she soon adapted to his cold fingers.   
They looked truly beautiful under the lights of campfire. Orange blaze made girl's eyes shine even brighter and Kuroo took a notice at that. 

"I don't want to sound cheesy but you eyes remind me of emeralds, bet you heard that lot of times." 

"No, actually not. Only my mom and dad tell that to Lyovochka and me." 

"I figured out girl as pretty as you would have many suitors and would have heard all the eulogy there is." 

"Noone really seems so be interested in me. There are few guys who would compliment me but it's mostly girls that are telling me nice things." 

"You're telling me you were never courted even though you are this beautiful, I can't believe that." 

"You are the first one. Wait maybe not. I had a boyfriend when I was five. His name Marco. I never properly broke up with him though so maybe we're still in relationship?" 

"Then I will sword him for your hand!" 

She erupted in giggles again and this time it stole your attention from Akaashi. He followed the voice as well and then looked back up at your face.  
He could see the pang in your eyes that disappeared as quickly as it came. If you two were alone he'd have said something but with Kenma and Yaku next to you he did the second best thing he could. 

"Your face is so cute right now f/n." 

"What?" 

"Moonlight is doing your face justice. From down here you look like a renessaince painting." 

"Akaashi thank you." 

He reached for your face and smiled once he cupped your cheeks. He would lie when he said you weren't the most fascinating person he met. Strong and ambitious, often opportunistic and playful, rarely lacking effort in every performance. 

Maybe if you two met sooner things would be different. Alas,there was no time to think about that. Whatever his heart wanted his mind knew was wrong. At times like this he wished ti have someone like you to ask what to do. Air of familiarity followed you wherever you went and he admired you for it. Somehow you always seemed to understand the situations you were in and as soon as you got the idea how to adapt to it you'd share it and make sure everyone was feeling good. 

"Stop looking at me like that..." 

"And how am I looking at you?" 

"Like that...It makes me feel confused." 

"Let's go inside, it's getting colder." 

"Okay. Are you two fine being alone here?" 

"Yea you two go and don't worry." 

"Kenma?" 

"I'll go in soon too. My game needs to be charged." 

"Hey f/n, pass the blanket to those two." 

"Sure." 

Akaashi followed behind you and when you two got to the couple that was flirting he placed hands around you. He placed his head on the crook of your neck and shoulder and swayed you two a bit. 

"Yaku told me to give this to you two. Here." 

"Why don't you two sit with us?" 

"It's cold for us." 

"That sucks, we could have had some fun." 

"Good night to you two." 

Akaashi raised a hand as a sign of departure for the evening and smirked at Kuroo before turning along with you.  
The smirk left the bitter taste in Kuroo's mouth as he wasn't sure what the other had in mind.  
When it came to Bokuto and Akaashi he never knew how to react or think. Something was always going on behind the lazily glazed eyes of theirs and ge couldn't figure it out. Of course that what they did had a meaning behind it but no matter how many steps in front of them he tried to be he couldn't keep up. 

Alisa noticed the glare he was giving to blue eyed boy as his figure got further and further away from them. She placed a hand on his back and watched them herself.  
She smiled once she saw f/n laughing and entering house. Poor girl couldn't even anticipate what was going on but she was glad the girl she now considered friend was happy. 

"F/n deserves happiness." 

"Hmm?" 

"You don't agree?" 

"No no, I do. It's just you said it so suddenly." 

"You two are friends but it seems like there is rivalry between you two." 

"It's the only way she can view things. If she doesn't challenge you daily she probably lost interest in you." 

"But she didn't seem like that towards me." 

"Everything we know about her is transforming daily. It seems like she is new person each second of the day." 

"She is going through metamorphosis like butterfly!" 

"Yea, in a way." 

"I'm glad she is smiling." 

"She is always smiling, that's not new." 

"She isn't always smiling. She just looks content with whatever is going on. I thought you were her best friend but you don't understand her at all!" 

"What do you mean?" 

"You have never seen her from sidelines like me. From what I have observed she is very unique. I have never met anyone like her. Even Kenma is less complex than her." 

"Oh yeah smarty pants then riddle me this what did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?" 

"Kuroo you nerd!" 

During the little chat about you, Akaashi was preforming a dance to children's shampoo commercial. You were laughing and he took it as a sign to do things even more dramatically. When he finished he threw himself on the bed next to you and started covering you with thick blanket. 

"Akaashi I can't breathe!" 

"Your voice is muffled speak clearly!" 

"You giant get off of me! I'm dying!" 

"What did you say?" 

"Akaashi I can't breathe, I think your body bursted a left bubble in my lung!" 

"You totally made that up." 

"Akaashi!I'll scream!" 

"Then I will put another blanket over you." 

"PleASEE!" 

He got up from you and you threw blanket off of you pretending to be suffocated and coughing up to make him think your condition was serious.  
Before waiting for you to get air in your lung he threw you on bed but this time you saw what was coming and started kicking your legs in the air which made him bend in laughter. 

"Please, you look like a dying cockroaches!" 

"And you look like scooter without one wheel!" 

"What does that even mean?" 

"I will get you for this!" 

"Stop,stop,stopp!!" 

He covered his face with your pillow trying not to breathe in the absurd amount of body spray you were misting the air with. When even you couldn't breathe any more he got off from the ground and opened the window. 

"You mad woman, you really are crazy. If I didn't burst a left bubble in your lung than this did." 

"I made that up." 

"Wow, I can't believe it! You making something up just because you can't win a fight..." 

"Now I'm cold." 

"Let's go and get something to eat while room ventilate from this stinky mess." 

"It's not stinky, it's expensive body spray." 

"F/n ,baby, no matter how expensive the thing is, too much of everything will be disgusting." 

You followed behind him and before he could touch the last staircase with his foot you grabbed his butt and watched him almost fall down. This left you laughing and him shaking his head while his whole face was red.  
This trip was going amazing. You will surely remember it.


	9. Chapter eight

"Be quiet!" 

"You be quiet, you're the one that was laughing for ten minutes, not me!" 

"Please don't make that face I will start laughing again!" 

"That's my face what do you mean don't make it." 

"I'll pee myself." 

"Pssst! Someone is walking down there." 

Akaashi pointed towards the side of corridor where boys were sleeping and you two stopped dead in tracks. You were stopping yourself from bursting into laugh as he shook his head biting his lips in order to not laugh himself.  
Door creeked open and for some reason you two ran down back from where you came from. As soon as you entered room he locked the door and you two put hands over your mouth trying to stop the sound from leaving.  
Person who exited the room was walking down the hallway and they stopped outside the room you two were hiding in.  
Tears were streaming down your cheeks and Akaashi was barley holding it in himself. Before he could signal you anything you threw head in bed covers and breathing in and out in order to control yourself.  
Three heavy knocks broke the silence in cabin and you two looked at each other before you pointed at Akaashi who shrugged.   
"Akaashi?" 

You threw yourself in the bed and pretended to sleep as he made small circle around the room and finally walked to the door and unlocked it. 

"Morning." 

"Hey when you and f/n stop goofing around, come to the kitchen so we can have breakfast together." 

Akaashi looked back at you and you pretended not to notice it through almost closed eyelashes. He made the gap of door widen and showed the person inside.  
Kuroo placed hands on his hips and walked inside. 

"She's sleeping now, okay." 

"Yeah, it would be funny to draw on her face don't you think?" 

"Yeah yeah, people who sleep wouldn't notice someone drawing on their face." 

Hot breath hit your face making you opened one eye and then quickly shutting it once you saw face inches away from it. It took every piece of you not to break into laughter right then and there and you shifted on other side.  
Footsteps signaled that someone was now facing you from that side and without any notice a pillow was slammed over your head followed by another. 

Pile of bed sheets and duvets along with two boys was thrown over you as you slowly suffocated underneath it all.  
After few long seconds they got up and you could finally breath again. 

"Oh f/n you are up? How did you sleep?" 

"I slept perfectly, couldn't say the same for you rooster hair." 

"You went there..." 

"I did, and what about it?" 

"Do I have to suffocate you again?" 

"No thanks, I will pass. But what I won'tbe passing is breakfast . Bye." 

You got up and left the bedroom leaving two dark haired boys sitting on bed that was still warm from where you laid at.  
It was only one more night here and then you will be going back to normal life. No sleep over types of nights,no fresh air, no Akaashi and no calmness. 

Today you'll enjoy more than you can. More than you must. This will be the last time you will be this close to these people. It's almost like a grasp of childhood will fully leave you once this trip ends.  
The level of maturity that you will step in once this is over is unbearable to process. 

"You seem a bit off right now, you're not mad at us right?" 

"No, I just thought of something. What will you drink?" 

"It's all the same to me." 

"Okay. Kuroo I won't serve you, you go and help yourself." 

"You're such a good girl, I can't help but love how you always offer to help others out." 

"Aw, I almost shed a tear. There is so much trash here, it's like we were here for ten weeks and not two days." 

"We will clean that tonight before leaving tomorrow morning." 

"Hey you sit down f/n and I will make us all a breakfast. Scrambled eggs?" 

"Yeah, thank you." 

While Akaashi put everything into place and fixed up breakfast you and Kuroo bickered. He pulled your hair and you elbowed him. He pinched your waist and you hit his neck. He pushed you and you bit his arm. But it all ended with him and you making fun of Akaashi who rolled eyes and muted you out. Then the conversation took a turn on some deep explanations on your views on world which then lead to debate on what fruit is the best for you or if you could eat one type of food for the rest of your life. 

Clock moved faster than before and mostly everyone was up. Kenma was sitting on a couch with blanket over him and his hair a mess. His eyes were red from playing on his game all night and madness after Kuroo woke him up to eat was unmatched. He threw a fit after he wasn't allowed to consume energy drink but calmed down once a plate with waffles with nutella on them were put in front of him. 

Haiba siblings were still asleep and noone wanted to wake them up. Along with them was Bokuto who locked the door and noone could enter and wake him up. 

Those that were awake chose to go to the springs and take some pictures and have picnic. Once you went down the road with signs pointing towards the local attractions everything went in a buzz.  
Every now and then someone from the group would wander stray from the path and noone would wait because it was usually two or three people together so chances of getting lost were low,right?  
Wrong. 

Group wasn't even two hours in when Kenma went missing. Kuroo ran to find him but got lost taking a "shortcut". After short discussion it was decided that you and Akaashi will go and find the two of them and then meet up at the springs. 

"I wanted to say he was stupid for going this way but it is so beautiful. I feel like we're in a painting." 

"We can stop here once we find them. I wouldn't mind taking few photos here. When you leave I want to have something to look at when I'm sad." 

Smile crept on both of your faces and even tho you wanted to hug him,you chose violent approach. He expected warm exchange but ended up being pushed into grass filled with wild flowers.  
Fast head tilt was followed by a smirk as he waited you to ran few more meters before he jumped to chase you. It wouldn't be fair if he caught you as soon as you got away, and unlike him, you didn't have volleyball player stamina. 

"Keiji I thought you would catch up to me faster. It's a shame you can't even ra-" 

"I am giving you three seconds to get as far as you can before I catch you. If I get my hands on you,you will be eating dirt for lunch." 

Everyone who was friends with boys was awfully aware of how much it can hurt after play fights. And the outfit you wore was too cute to be dirtied before you took some more pictures for your social media. 

"ONE!" 

"TWO!" 

"THREE!" 

Loud yell left you as you tried to get further away but that yell was nothing compared to one you made after running footsteps sounded closer and closer. Before you could made another step hands locked you and your body met grass. Unfortunately for you it didn't stop there. Your eyes were shut closed and Akaashi's hand covered your head while other kept you close to him as the two of you rolled down a hill. When you finished spinning like a wheel,adrenaline loosened up and now painful sensation tingled through your body. 

"Are you okay f/n?" 

"Last time I felt like this was when I fell off of a tree house." 

"Let me check you for bruises or cuts." 

"Akaashi I am okay. Don't worry. Thanks for protecting me from breaking my neck." 

"We wouldn't be in that situation if it wasn't for me anyways." 

"This hill looks so pretty!" 

With a glint of surprise for sudden change of your attention Akaashi turned and looked around as well. Aside from the beauty of flower field he was also mesmerized by you. It seemed lik sun has hit you just right under the tree that you two rolled to. Constant breeze made shadows repeatedly change over your face as the tree leaves let fewer sun rays shine on you. 

"I wanna stay here for a while. Let's stay here." 

"Should we?" 

"We can go to see springs some other time if not today." 

"Then I would be delighted to stay here with you." 

You smiled and gave a quick hug to Akaashi before getting up and finding the perfect spot to lay under. One peculiar spot was almost too perfect. There would be no shade on it even when sun would start to set and you could peacefully admire world around you. 

"Come sit here." 

"I will be there in a second, I wanna take few pictures first." 

He will make sure to capture the charm of both flower field and forest looming in the distance as well as you. This moment will forever be cherished in his heart. He wanted to remind you about the reason you two went that way and that others would be waiting but he decided on being selfish. This whole thing was confusing him more than he wanted. While his heart longed for your friend whos presence lingered only in memories, he fully wished to have a taste of you. It was almost like an invisible mist was stopping the two of you from meeting halfway.   
And maybe,just maybe, he wouldn't wait for a second chance or new opportunity. If he saw an opening he will go straight ahead and show how he felt. 

As if the goddess of love herself heard his thoughts, a golden opportunity appeared. While the sun went two hours into west you placed your head on his lap and talked about silly things. Tangled in few strands was a flower crown made by Keiji just because. 

"I wish the time can stop right here and right now." 

He hummed while switching his gaze on you as a sign that he was paying attention to what you were about to say. 

"It's scary. It seems like I had to grow up in few months and adapt to everything that was thrown on me." 

"You can take it easy f/n. Noone is making you go to distance just to comply to norms." 

"It's easy for you to say. In my eyes it seems like I have had it tougher than anyone else and sometimes when anxiety shows up I don't know what to do and-" 

"When anxiety shows up tell me and I will fix it." 

"How can you fix something that metaphysical" 

"I know a way." 

"How?" 

"Do you want me to show you?" 

"Sure." 

"Firstly close your eyes and take a deep breath in and out." 

"Okay." 

"Are you ready?" 

"Yes." 

With almost butterfly alike touch, he connected your lips and shared minty scent. Just then you didn't want to move or fight it. Just then you gave up on your barrier and let the dam you built break. Maybe that was a mistake, it must've been. But just then, you weren't jealous, you weren't envious, you weren't sad and you didn't feel alone. Just then, your whole being felt a new emotion that you didn't know so far.  
While you two shared a moment, another person figured out a side of them they didn't know exist. Now it was raven haired boy's turn to feel a negative sensation in his chest. Was it brotherly anger because he wanted to protect you? 

"Kuroo?" 

"YOU TWO BREAK IT UP, THERE ARE PEOPLE WATCHING!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy winter holidays! Hope you all are healthy and safe! This break try and love yourself and those close to you more :)


	10. Chapter nine

"You know you can ask if you need help?" 

"Yes I do, I just don't want to bother people if I can do it myself." 

"Bothering people? Are you serious right now, I could barely reach that box, what makes you think-" 

"Thank you for getting that for me but you don't need to tire yourself out just because of that." 

~~~ 

"Hey f/n what did you say was the name of that cake your mom makes?" 

"Which one Kuroo?" 

"The one with berries and pudding inside?" 

"Well you basically said it yourself. It's berry pudding cake. Why?" 

"I wanted to look it up and make it for myself." 

"Oh. It's kinda difficult to make it if you don't know how to bake." 

~~~ 

"You smell like vanilla f/n." 

"Yeah? Here you go." 

"What's that?" 

"It's a small gift. Hope you like it. The crust isn't as crispy as I wanted it to be." 

"Is this what I think it is." 

"Shut up and take it. I have to go now." 

"Why don't you stay after school, we can go and study together?" 

"I have to visit someone." 

~~~ 

"You look really beautiful right now. Don't move, I will take a picture." 

"Kuroo! Just focus on your part of the project." 

"Yeah yeah, say cheese!"

~~~ 

"Wanna stay over tonight?" 

"Huh?" 

"Your eye bags are darker than usual. And you seem absentminded." 

"Oh. Sorry." 

"It's okay. We can make cookies and watch movies. It's Saturday tomorrow anyway."

~~~ 

"Thank you for this f/n. I just don't know what to do or say when that happens." 

"People fight all the time. You can't do anything about it. When my parents fight, I just ignore it." 

"They might be getting divorced..." 

"Listen Kuroo, when people fall out of love it's better to get a divorce than to make them have to spend time fighting. I know it must be hard on you and your sister but push through it a bit more." 

"Thank you." 

"Forget about that, friends are there to help you when you need them. You don't have to tell me everything, I can just be by your side if you don't want to talk about it." 

~~~ 

"I hate chemistry! What even does this mean? Why is advanced course so hard." 

"If you whined less and listened to me more, maybe then you would understand it." 

"Easy for you to say mister perfect. You are so nerdy even nerds don't wanna hang out with you." 

"Yeah, maybe if I hit volleyball hard enough on your head, your brain would come out and you'd think better!" 

"Tch. Do you want something to drink or eat?I'm going to buy myself some snacks." 

"Sure,get me orange juice and granola bar." 

~~~ 

"Are you asleep f/n?" 

"Mhmm." 

"I just wanted to tell you that I really appreciate and love you. You are the best friend anyone could ask for." 

"Shut up and go sleep." 

"Grumpy cat." 

~~~ 

"You know I was thinking a lot lately and-" 

"You were thinking? Oh my, do you have a fever f/n? Are you good? Should we call a doctor?" 

"Shut up and listen to me!" 

"Okay,okay..." 

"As I was saying, I have had this on my mind for like a week now. Would you be friends with me if you knew I was a bad person?" 

"I would still be friends with you. I know you're not bad person now and that's what matters." 

"Yeah but if I did some really really bad things, would that make a difference to you?" 

"Listen f/n, I really don't get where you are going with this but I know my friend can't be a monster. Now put that fork back on plat and continue eating." 

~~~ 

"No you goose! Put more flour and milk and add some water." 

"Why add water if there is milk? Tch, I don't get how cooking works but you sound even more confusing." 

"That's because I am better cook than you. Just how you're better at sports, I am better at culinary." 

"I have an idea." 

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS!?" 

"Because I can. You can put some of it on my face just so we are even. But first you'll need to catch me!" 

~~~ 

"Who are you calling?" 

"Police." 

"What the hell f/n? What's wrong?" 

"I'm calling to report an intrusion." 

"What?" 

"Someone broke into the basement of my house and I locked them inside." 

"F/n that was your dad. You locked him inside and turned off the lights. He was banging but you didn't answer so he called me." 

"Oopsie. Sorry sir, false alarm. Sorry for wasting your time. Yeah,I know, I am sorry. It won't hapoen again." 

~~~ 

"Where exactly are you?" 

"Well, there are lot of trees around. I also see sky." 

"That can be anywhere in forest! Why did you think it was good idea to follow birds?" 

"I was thirsty and besides, birds are always flying near water and land, that's how you find islands when lost in sea. Follow the birds." 

"You're hopeless. Wait there, I will find you." 

~~~ 

"YOU BETTER NOT YELL AT THEM FOR SOMETHING YOU DID!" 

"WHERE DO YOU GET THE AUDACITY TO YELL AT SOMEONE MUCH OLDER THAN YOU?" 

"BECAUSE YOU WERE YELLING AT THEM AND THEY DIDN'T DO IT!" 

"THEN WHO DID? YOU WERE THE LAST ONE IN CLUB ROOM!?" 

"SIR YOU TOOKTHE KEY OF GYM BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO COME EARLIER AND MAKE SURE THINGS ARE IN ORDER BEFORE KARASUNO'S ARRIVAL!" 

"Oh. I forgot." 

"It's okay. Just apologize to captain and vice captain." 

"That's my friend, the one yelling at coach." 

"We know Kuroo." 

"Everyone knows Kuroo." 

"Tch, you all are jealous because you can't score a friend like her and Kenma and I can." 

"No." 

~~~ 

"Stay still!" 

"Why would you choose this out of all the activities we could be doing?" 

"Because we're spending quality time together. And I will gift you this." 

"It's very sentimental gift but why WOULD I HAVE TO SIT STILL ON WET GRASS!" 

"It's your fault for not bringing a blanket for yourself." 

~~~ 

"If I hear you talking bad about her one more time, I will make sure you will never be able to say her name again." 

"But it is truth, she and her friends killed man! Ask anyone from-" 

"I warned you. It's for your own good that you never talk ill about her again." 

"Thank you for this Kuroo but there is no need to bother with people like that. If he has no other thing to talk about but me, he must be living very sad life." 

"Get lost. And remember what I told you." 

~~~ 

"I will kill you for this Kuroo Tetsurou!" 

"Run faster or they will catch us!" 

"Why would you free frogs!? What stupid voice in your head said that would be a good idea?" 

"Run f/n,run!" 

~~~ 

"I bought you something." 

"Really? What is it? Macroons, wow!" 

"Look under the box. I hope you like it." 

"What is this? Oh, that's very elegant pen. A perfume, wow, that's too expensive I can't take this." 

"No, no. That's a gift, you can't say no. I hope the sweater suits you. It's Ralph Lauren so it will always be fashionable." 

"Wow f/n, I am so grateful. You really didn't need to. I feel so bad for not getting anything for you." 

"It's okay. I wanted to do this for you. You're turning into fine gentlemen so these are bare necessities." 

"You must have been in a really good mood to buy me this." 

"On the contrary but I felt like treating you. The fact that you like them is enough for me." 

~~~ 

"Why do I have to take this dancing class with you?" 

"Because." 

"I see why your parents didn't want to come here. This is too much even for me." 

"Hush, I can't hear the instructor." 

"You can't hear me begging you to stop dancing in these stupid shoes but that doesn't seem to bother you." 

"Yea. Now put your hand up." 

"No,your ass is soft." 

"Move that hand up or I will break your fingers." 

"I wish if you didn't do that,I happen to play volleyball every day so I need fingers."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WISH YOU ALL HAPPY NEW YEAR!I HOPE THAT YOU ALL ARE STAYING HEALTHY AND THAT YOU WILL BE EVEN MORE HAPPIER AND LUCKIER THAN IN 2020! CHEERS TO PROSPERITY AND PRODUCTIVITY!
> 
> Yours truly, PrexAlizeh


	11. Chapter ten

Rapid heartbeat gave away your worries but not as good as nail biting and leg shaking. Despite all of that you still managed to focus on the lecture and the sluggish voice of the teacher as he explained some math equation you probably will never need. 

That kiss was something you shouldn't have done. It was extremely wrong of you to engage in it and Akaashi... Why did all that have to happen now? After all that you couldn't even think and function properly let alone do something. 

Kenma noticed the distance you placed between yourself and rest and informed Kuroo not to meddle with it for now. Even though he wanted to help this hesitance in him was eating him. He too worried about you. 

After observing the behavior you were presenting for few days raven haired boy tapped your shoulder. Although you wanted to make a gesture that will tell him you were listening your body decided to lay still and your pen kept scribbling down notes. 

Tap tap tap 

Stale air was killing you and the more the time went by the crazier your leg was bouncing off of the floor. It was getting garder to think and an itch on your back was annoying you. Sick feeling in stomach started forming with each shrilly word at end of sentences that described how to find one part of formula when you don't know where to start. This dreadful day couldn't come to an end fast enough. 

"Meet me after you are done cleaning the classroom." 

Flat mumble made your ears perk up and now you really couldn't sit still any longer. If you had to stay even second linger in that room you would've blown up. 

"Excuse me for interrupting you, but am I allowed to go use restroom?" 

"You can't wait for the end of lesson? Go now. Be quiet and quick." 

"Thank you sir." 

Certain pair of eyes watched as you dashed out but you couldn't care less. The atmosphere in there was strangling you. It felt so dreadful and you flet like throwing out all the food you had in stomach. On your way to the bathroom,prickly sensation made you realize something. 

It was not a stomach flu, or potential cold. It was regret and shame. Moment of desire made you be the bad friend and it hurt you to think about it because you were aware of how wrong it was. 

Tiny vibration coming from the pocket on your blazer brought you back from giving yourself a mental lecturing. The simple text made you roll eyes but smile. 

•Kuroo Tetsurou   
Strawberry soda and bacon egg beagle after school? This bribery must work :) 

°You  
Stop stalking me already and yes 

•Kuroo Tetsurou   
Shut up you lauf me :) 

°You  
Yeah righ...  
STOP TEXTING ME AND WRITE DOWN WHAT HE'S SAYING?!?   
WHO WILL I COPY FROM IF YIU DON'T WRITE THAT?!?!?@? 

•Kuroo Tetsurou   
You always use me T.T

That kiss meant nothing. You were still in love with Kuroo. Whatever happened there will not escalate into anything else. Moment of weakness. Neither you nor Keiji knew what was in your heads. Two friends. That's what you two are.

~~~ 

"I wanted to buy that bookbut they said only middle aged mothers buy it so I stumbled on my words and left the store." 

"You could've just said you were buying it for your mother." 

"Why aren't you saying something like 'Oh Kuroo I will go and buy it for you so you don't have to embarrass yourself because I am good friend' ?" 

"Because I don't go to bookstores. Imagine someone seeing me entet that nerd hotspot? I could never live through my embarrassment." 

"Can I try your beagle?" 

"Sure. But only one small bite." 

"Mine tastes like old soy sauce and sesame seeds. I shouldn't have taken the fish filling." 

"I told you to take the old safe choice but you never listen." 

Both of you sat in silence for few minutes as the sound of stream and traffic in background kept making noises. Careful not to be seen, your eyes stared at the charming boy next to you. He was occupied with buttered bread and didn't mind the intensity of the gawking you were doing. It was normal. Friends stare at each other all the time. 

Tetsurou's cheeks rose up and he closed eyes while falling with his back on the grass behind him. Empty paper tumbled next to the half filled soda can but littering soon left your mind with a low chuckle coming from your crush. 

"Do you remember when we used to ring bells and ran away from people's porches? Lately I was thinking how much I miss the days when I had to drag you out of your home to go and hang out. I miss them. We didn't have to worry about anything but now it's very stressful. When did we stop being kids? What was the moment we turned to adults?" 

His words seemed to worry you and bottled feelings were threatening to come out as your eyes watered. Scared of future and consequences, you didn't need to think about what will happen.  
Strong arms were quick to wrap you in a hug and finger started rubbing circle on your arm. Sometimes this was what you needed. Quiet comfort and counting on someone to be by your side as you let it all out.   
That's why he and you were best friends. Both knew how to help each other but not come off too clingy. Company each provided in tough times was enough to secure some freedom of happiness. 

"It's okay. You can do it. Don't worry." 

His thumb removed a fat tear that was about to spill from your eye and tiny wave of numbness left your mind. 

No matter who was to come in your life, Kuroo Tetsurou would always be the one your heart longed for.


	12. Chapter eleven

As the winter entered your bones,more and more changes started appearing. One of many was that your mind was getting heavier with thousands of thoughts that bothered you. It affected you more than anything else.   
As the volleyball season neared you had less time for yourself. As a part of team you had to be on practices but studies started piling up and it was irritating. An itch you couldn't scratch was Kuroo's sudden change in behavior. The watch you bought him was no longer on his wrist.   
Maybe he broke it? Did he not like it any more?  
Staying on topic of Kuroo,he stopped recognizing you in a way. In classes he would only be aware of the lecture but his hand wouldn't move to write anything. After lessons he would go somewhere and only show up when he was needed. He no longer gave you a smile filled with warmth but a quick nod as he made his way to the seat.  
It bothered you how dismissive he became out of nowhere. His family life often wasn't perfect but if it was that way you knew that he would come and tell you about it. He avoided everyone. That was the word in the walls of Nekoma high.  
One thing that also changed was your mood. Feeling rejected by society all of a sudden didn't sit well with you. After sitting and thinking about it you came to the conclusion that it wasn't society but your best friend that thrown you a way.  
Maybe it is for the best. You'll be leaving Japan anyways. Yes. It should stay like this. 

Aside from feeling hurt you were mad. You lacked charisma but this wasn't what caused it. What you gave to world was byproduct of the treatment you received. The wish to make everyone feel how you've felt at your lowest was something that would suddenly come in your mind from pocket in your brain. 

This afternoon the tea seemed to hit just right. Frozen fingers hugged warm glass while your nose enjoyed the smell of hibiscus. It has been a while since you last went out by yourself. Sense of the usual anxiety left you as you started finding it peaceful. There is no better company than the one you could give yourself.  
On the leather chair opposite of you sat few paper bags and a bouquet of flowers. Small girfs you dedicated to yourself and few others. Self love was better than anything else. 

Waiter came out of the restaurant with your cake and turned on the outdoor heater next to you. Chocolate caramel cake,as basic as that,it made you happy.   
Moment of peace was so welcomed after the rough few days. 

Just as the fork cut through the soft sponge a buzz from a phone caught you off guard. It wasn't a buzz that surprised you. It was the name on the screen that made you almost drop the small fork. 

Why would your brother be calling you out of all the people? Did something happen? 

"Hey...?"  
"F/n?" 

"Yea,that's me,your beloved sister and the black sheep of family,how can I help you?" 

"I'm getting married. And you said I would never be able to find someone. Jokes on you,now you are the lonely one." 

"Well,the joke is on you because I am not lonely, I am all alone." 

"..." 

"So shen is the wedding day?" 

"Actually we want to get married rather soon because we found good offer for our honeymoon. It's in a month. Think you can make it here?" 

"Depends on how much of my practicum I finish." 

"It would mean a lot to me if you come." 

"You know I was joking,right? I may be a party pooper but I would never miss a big day like that. No matter how much I hate you." 

"Awe my little sister is acting kind. That's a first." 

"Send me the invitation with fancy letters and I will come. Otherwise..." 

"You were always a little shit. Anyways Lana wants to say hi." 

"Oh give her on the phone." 

"Hiii! You HAVE TO COME! I don't want to celebrate this all by myself. You are like a little sister-" 

"Lana,I am coming. Don't worry. I just like to play with that dork of your husband." 

"You have to see the ring he gave me. It is so beautiful. I have a surprise for you when you come. Ah! He's taking the phone from me,bye!" 

"Bye Lana!" 

"It was nice hearing from you. You can call every now and then,you know." 

"You are the adult here,you can call me." 

"Bye." 

"Hasta luego henpecked." 

By the time call ended the steam coming from the glass was gone. Your cake was still cold though. Now you will have to buy a dress. Well this was good news. Back when you were living under the same roof,you kept fighting but when he moved away,the distance seemed to make you miss each other. Everyone in your life seemed to move somewhere far away from you. Funny. 

While trying on the skirt in the small boutique,your phone buzzed for the second time that day. You out a finger on the screen as to see who it was but it seemed the notification disappeared just to be changed by a phone call. 

°°°Kozume Kenma°°° 

What would he want? 

"Hey Kenma,what's up?" 

"Hi, are you near school? I think one of my games fell out in the locker room and I am not in Tokyo right now." 

"Oh,sure. I can go and see. Why not call Kuroo thought. I think he was giving a hand to chess club." 

"I tried but he wasn't picking up. I wouldn't call if it wasn't necessary. That game was limited edition. I need to find it." 

"Okay okay. Don't worry I'm on my way. Only this. Thank you." 

"You are buying something?" 

"Yea,I wanted some change of clothes. So how does it look like? Any name on the box or..?" 

With so many bags in various sizes dangled from your arms but you still jept the steady jogging while nearing the main building. A woman opened the door and listened to you explaining why you were there after school hours. Minute later you received a key and a word that someone was already occupying gym so there would be no problems getting in. 

Numbness in cheeks and ears from cold made you wonder if you should start wearing scarfs. It was winter after all.  
Just like the lady said,the door was unlocked. You entered the gym that seemed empty. Only once when you got to the locker room you heard people talk. 

Few knocks at the door sounded throughout the place and the chatter disappeared. Footsteps approached the door of the locker room and it squeezed open. What a wonder it was to see Kuroo at them. 

"Oh,hey f/n. What are you doing here?" 

"I should ask you that. When you all finish changing I would like to go in and look for something. Actually you can do it,so I don't go in." 

"You're alone?" 

"Do I need someone by my side to do things?" 

"No no." 

"Oh, hi f/n! What are you doing in school? Did you have any clubs?" 

"Hi Haiba. No. I need to find something." 

"Oh it's f/n. Hello f/n!" 

"Another Haiba. Well hello to you too Alisa. Is there some party here?" 

"We're teaching Alisa play volleyball. Kuroo was helping her but then I joined them. Do you want to join us?" 

"No thank you. I have no time. Now can you please look for this game. Kenma said he might've dropped it here." 

"Oh,that thing. I saw it at the back of the room. I'll go get it for you." 

"Thank you Lev." 

Alisa was smiling while clinging onto Kuroo's biceps and he seemed to be rather awkward. He didn't know what to say but something in him wanted to justify what he was doing. Your crystalized expression made it clear something wasn't right but when asked you brished it off to tiredness. Lev couldn't come fast enough and as soon as he gave you the thing,you turned and left with no other word but lazy wave. 

You shouldn't feel hurt. Noone knew about this secret of yours. Acting like you were in relationships and getting mad over this was stupid. Feeling of envy rose in your chest as you huffed clouds of steam out of mouth. Crisp air hurted your already sore throat. What a waste. You were having fun just for this to happen. 

It was clear why he stopped wearing the gift other girl gave him. He had eyes on Alisa. Your poor unfortunate heart.


	13. Chapter twelve

"I am carrying all the jerseys and bottles so you all can get inside." 

"Need help with that bag?" 

"No thanks. Yaku can you tell the bus driver that Lev is about to come?" 

"Sure. He is always late. I swear that boy needs a watch or alarm clock. " 

Black strap was sinking deep into your shoulder and was sure to leave a mark but you didn't want to say anything to anyone else there. It is better to suffer in quietness. And you had a bigger problem. Nekoma and Fukurodani academy will have a match and you are going to see Akaashi. After the trip you two didn't have much to say and you spent time hiding and your crush...Actually your best friend Kuroo, spent time keeping an eye out. 

He had no right to do anything of that sort. Who was he to tell you who to date? Was he your parent? Your family member? He had no significance to this case. Bold of him to do that but tell you not to mess in his affairs.  
If he expects you to trust him he shouldn't have done that. Maybe now you two are back on the same block from years ago.  
And to call you to spend time with him and Alisa? What was he? Delusional or wicked?  
Tch. As if. 

"I hope that frown was not saved for me." 

Lev's small smile brought you back to reality as he jogged up to you. His T-shirt was on the wrong side and he wore the school's jacket inside out. A mess. But at least he was kind and appreciative to compensate. 

"Hi Lev. Give me the jacket and put that T-shirt the right way. We waited for fifteen minutes these two minutes mean nothing." 

Yaku was yelling from inside the buss and Yamamoto's loud laugh echoed in return. Nekoma was a squad you couldn't figure out. They all seemed to work well together but you couldn't fit in no matter how hard you tried. Kuroo said that's not true and that it appears that way because it's your mind playing with your self esteem. Like he knows how you feel. 

"F/n control your friend. He is crossing the line." 

"Behave. You all are old enough to know how to do that." 

"She told us." 

"What's up with that cranky attitude lately. Noone likes that expression on your face." 

"Mind your own business." 

Before they could continue this teasing of sort you put your earphones in and put on the music on shuffle trying to make time pass by quickly. Coach was telling you something,melody overbearing enough for you not to understand a thing that escaoes his lips. 

"Sorry sir,could you repeat that?" 

"We will be measuring soon. Prepare that notebook of yours when we get back. Also I aksed if you looked for the assistant? You're graduating soon, someone has to take over these duties." 

"You are trying to replace me evn before I leave." 

"I am just trying not to have a mess after you all finish school." 

"What if I told you I don't care what happens?" 

"I guess you are at that time of month now. Your etiquette is poor." 

"Whatever." 

Everyone suddenly has a right to tell you how you act when they do the same all the time. Hypocrisy is showing way too much. At time like this you don't regret your choice. Some flame of hatred in your chest was telling you all sorts of mean things to do. You could pull all kinds of things in order to hurt them. They would deserve it.  
But you will wait. At least let the annoyance simmer down... This morally wrong side of you was irking you so hard.  
It's like a split personality of sorts. An ego. You can't get one without the other. 

"Hey f/n,hope you had a safe travel." 

Balls kicked floor and repelled in all directions. Sneakers squicked and sound of people jumping and landing on floor measured same loudness as the yells of both teams. Red jerseys tried their best but still failed to match the energy of the opposition. You picked up the bottles and went to get them refilled as the set was about to be over. 

"You ignoring me? Didn't expect that from you f/n." 

"Oh,hey. Sorry. I am not feeling myself lately." 

"Mind me asking what's up?" 

Raven haired guy skipped few stairs trying to catch up without falling over. Towel was placed over his shoulders, sweat dripping down his limbs. Plastic bottle was in his hand and he offered the free one to high five you. 

"When was the last time you slept Akaashi?" 

"What is sleep? Anyways I have to take early exams for my university so I spend all the free time studying." 

"When we get back in the gym come with me,I have more than enough of food. My mom packed too much again." 

"You don't want to share with your best friend?" 

Your silence spoke all languages Akaashi needed to know and he dropped the subject. He was leaning with his back on the tile wall as you filled the bottles for boys who were probably more than thirsty. The small betrayal was still in your heart, holding a grudge was where you topped. An exchange between you and Akaashi was something you didn't want to put in words because of the questions that may follow it but more than anything you needed to know on what you two were standing. 

"I heard your brother is getting married. Good for him." 

"Yes,he is literally calling everyone to be at their wedding. Not surprised you heard,he has invited whole Japan by this point." 

"So you're not gonna ask me to be your plus one?" 

Bold question left you surprised for a moment but before answering you collected yourself. Did he really want to be your plus one? 

"Do you want to go to his wedding? If you do I am more than happy to buy you a ticket and all the stuff you'll need for a trip." 

"Wow f/n, I knew your parents were rich,but that rich rich?" 

"What can I say, I am spoiled. So,yes or no?" 

"F/n! Hurry up, we have men dying from drought here!" 

The more time you spent with Fukurodani the more you realized that the team you were manager in was nothing close to family. They were somewhat closer to the line of acquaintances than friends. It was a sad feeling, taking in consideration how much time you spent with them and what you received in return. They were only thankful for your services but it felt like nothing else was appreciated about you. Maybe it was you. You can't be the only one who sees bad in everyone?  
True,Yamamoto and Lev liked talking with you and they often called and send random things out of nowhere but that was all. While talking with Akaashi you found out that they made birthday surprises for their managers and other teammates. Nekoma did that for the boys too,never you.   
It wasn't your place to pack sweaty material when you weren't the one to use it but you didn't want to make more trouble for others. Even coach didn't realize your work. Who left their sneakers? These are Teshiro's if your memory recalls... 

"Thanks for helping out Yamamoto but you should go and change." 

"No I will, but first I have to pick these for you." 

"You are always too considerate. Why are you doing this?" 

"You kidding? When you weren't able to make it on games we had so much work to do and would forget stuff. This is like a small thank you." 

"Oh,well glad you recognize who is the powerhouse of this team." 

"Me of course." 

"Well that's also true. Nekoma is doing so good with you. Were you thinking of playing volleyball professionally after high school?" 

"You talk too much f/n. Yamamoto go change,I will help with the rest." 

"No I am in wrong,I was talking her up. See you in a bit f/n." 

"Sure thing." 

"So why exactly are you ignoring me? Did I say something?" 

Why did he need to be so stupid like that. Idiot. If he was street smart as much as he is school wise you wouldn't be in this situation. He made you love him and then does things like that.   
You finished packing things and turned to leave,fully ignoring Kuroo. If one thing was sure it's that you could run your mouth right now and leave him stunned. Maybe if the whole trip didn't happen,he and Alisa wouldn't exist as a thing. 

"Oh so I am given a silent treatment. Cool. Cool." 

He shook the asymmetrical bang out of his eye and followed you out but started frowning once he saw Bokuto making his way towards the two of you.  
Kuroo realized that Bokuto liked girls. No matter the type,he respected and liked them. And he seemed to have a tiny crush on you. It was more of an awe he was in each time his eyes met yours. Koutaro wasn't aware of that though. He just knew he wanted to spend more time with you but was stopped by Akaashi stealing you. 

"Hey hey hey f/n! Kuroo!" 

"Hi hello Bokuto. Feeling tired yet?" 

"Me? Pffft. I can go for hours. Want to see?" 

"Aw,I believe you. But you know, you should take a rest every now and then. That way your body won't overcharge and you can feel your best." 

"Yeah Akaashi told me. You know you should become a sports doctor. That way you can watch over me!" 

"Who knows, maybe I do choose to specialize in that one day. You seem more muscular than last time I saw you. I hope you're not taking supplements?" 

"No, this is all made by me. I train so hard. You should come and see me practice in gym. I am always doing so many exercises. No,why is your face like that? Did I say something wrong?" 

"You're okay Bokuto,she just doesn't know how to control her emotions lately." 

"Oh." 

"Is that so Tetsurou? Funny." 

"If it wasn't true you wouldn't be avoiding me. You always do things like that out of nowhere. It is getting annoying. Acting all stuck up. Like what are you eating for breakfast? Bowl of thorns instead of cereal?" 

"That's a bit overboard Kuroo-..." 

"Bold if you saying things like that to me,like you're not the one who goes all distant out of nowhere. You have no right to-" 

"Calm down kids. You're making a scene. My old self can't do this now. Let me pass through... There there. Koutaro you building up that strength. Lot of girls will be coming your way."

Tetsurou glared at you but you returned a stone cold stare that told him not to start it because you will ne finishing it. If it wasn't for the Nekomata coach you would be telling plenty of colorful things to black haired asshole. 

"Hey f/n, when should we meet up?" 

"Dad will pick you up at six on Wednesday,sounds good?" 

"Your dad knows where I live?" 

"No,but I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait,hope you like this chapter ^-^


	14. Chapter thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for short chapter,this wasn't even supposed to exist because I wanted to do a small timeskip but I figured this will do better :)  
> Thanks for being patient with me and my mistakes,hope you like it :]

"Who let you in anyways?" 

"Your mom did but that's not the point. Why are you being like this?" 

"Like what? I am just matching your energy Kuroo." 

"No you are not. You started distancing yourself and you stopped being like you used to. I don't know what happened,that's why I'm here." 

"Listen up, I am acting like I usually do,it is you that is acting different. Remind me but am I the one who stopped putting same effort into this friendship?" 

Kuroo hit his tongue because he knew you were right. You didn't even have to glare at him in order to make him realize that you were telling the truth. Maybe not full truth,but truth that he could find real. He sat on the bed,hands behind his back as he pushed himself off of the mattress in order to keep the straight position. His eyes watched you carefully as you pulled out an outfit after outfit, desperately trying to find something that will fit for the today's occasion. As soon as you saw him in the hallway it was obvious he was up to something and you were not about to listen to it. 

"Are you really going out with him?" 

"Why is that any of your business? Take this. Did mom leave already?" 

"Yea she did. You will go out wearing that? Isn't it a bit cold for that jacket?" 

"One must suffer in order to become fashion. Can you go downstairs and see of mom left me anything on the table?" 

"What did you have for lunch?" 

"Zucchini and chicken. You?" 

"We had soup and roasted veggies." 

"I have to leave soon. You can make yourself at home while I'm gone. But don't touch the chips in my drawer." 

"You really are going out with Akaashi? What's that about? 

"I told you that it has nothing to do with you. Don't you have anything more important to do?" 

"Why him? Out of all the guys him?" 

"And what's wrong with him? At least he doesn't forget about friends as soon as he finds himself a girlfriend." 

With a slight hurt in eyes he shuffled across the bedroom to stop you from entering bathroom. The way you behaved didn't make sense to him and it reminded him of the way you acted before you accepted him as a friend. The facade seemed to build up out of nowhere and it hurt him. He loved your smile for many reasons but you seemed to ignore him and only flash him glares. How was he supposed to agree with the way you treated him? 

"Don't go with him. Stay and talk with me." 

"Look,I don't have much time left. Either move from the door or I am changing here." 

"F/n..." 

"Kuroo why can't you realize that the world doesn't revolve around you. I don't understand why can't you leave me alone. You were the one to start this so now deal with the consequences." 

"I don't understand why you always run away and never tell me what is wrong. I thought we were over with this phase f/n." 

"I don't have time for this." 

You pushed him away and made your way out of there,to the spare room. As soon as you entered it you locked the door and changed. Angry tears swelled up in each canal because of him. Why can't he just move away and let you get over these silly feelings. It wasn't fair. 

"F/n I am not going until we finish this talk, I don't want to fight with you." 

"You don't need to go anywhere. I am leaving." 

Before giving him time to ask any question you marched outside of your house and into the car you dad was driving. Fresh and cold air will buy you and excuse for red cheeks and puffy eyes.  
The ride to Akaashi's house was quiet. Your dad seemed to listen to the podcast as he drove you. He managed to spare a smile and pat your head before passing you the paper bag with something inside it. After quick intrusion in it,you found a beautifully decorated cake. It wasn't for you,but for Akaashi's parents. They will probably like it. You hope so. 

~~~ 

"Hey Keiji,what do you think about this one?" 

"Isn't that too splashy for a wedding?" 

"You think that they will have a fancy wedding? My brother sent me a picture of his suit and it's not even suit." 

"Really? What is he going to wear?" 

"You don't want to know. Let's just say that they will make a tropical themed party." 

"So flamingos and tutti frutti?" 

"Exactly. Ooo, look at this. This gives me major eighties vibes." 

"Hey, I have something to ask you. Don't get the wrong idea,but what exactly are we f/n?" 

"We are human beings but on a deeper scale we are souls trapped inside the mortal plane as we travel through time aging accordingly and suffering problems and hardships in order to become our old shell." 

"I figured out you'd avoid the question. Things are complicated aren't they. Listen, I don't think I am ready for another heartbreak but I trust that you and me can do things." 

"It is not simple. We both don't want to hurt her, but we both also want something from each other." 

"I know her. She will be happy for us. But I firstly need to sort things out with you. We don't have to call this anything but I also want us to be exclusive in a way. Do you think you and me can be anything?" 

"At the moment?No. I am sorry but I am still figuring out how I'm standing on the topic of love. Kuroo situation messed up my compass and I can't promise you anything before getting on the right track. If you are willing to wait,I will be more than happy to try and take a step in our journey." 

He nodded and turned to take a bright coloured singlet laughing at the cartoon on the side of it. You proceeded to follow him and show him a line of currently fashionable jackets. The time you two spent was filled with laughter and talks others would give you side eyes for. It wasn't that difficult talking with Akaashi lately. He seemed to be on same wave length as you.  
After shopping all types of things that were probably not needed you called your dad who came as soon as he could. While waiting for him to pull up in parking lot of a mall you jumped from side to side,trying to keep warm. Kuroo was right, this outfit was meant for a temperature a bit higher than this one. Seeing you struggle,Keiji offered his scarf,voluntarily placing it around your neck. 

"You look like a mummy now." 

"Don't talk to your elders like this." 

"I had fun today f/n. Thank you." 

"It's nothing. I have a small surprise for you. But you will have to meet me some other day." 

"What is it?" 

"I won't tell you. But I hope you like it. I spent hours and hours trying to find the one that will fit with your status." 

"I feel bad for not getting you anything. You seem to spoil me like I am your child or something." 

"Well don't worry about it. Oh dad is here. Let's get in,I am freezing." 

Just as you were to take steps towards the car,Akaashi smiled and took ends of fuzzy scarf,pulling you near him. If this wasn't surprising,the kiss he placed on your lips was. With all the heat rushing to your head,you forgot about how cold you were or where you were. Words seemed to be lost in throat and you pointed at the car and rushed before him,trying to get yourself to breathe. 

"I won't say anything if you don't say anything." 

"Dad drive,drive,drive. As fast as you can." 

"Let the poor guy get inside the car first."


	15. Chapter fourteen

"You saw them?" 

"Yep. It didn't look like they were trying to hide. Who would've thought that f/n likes guys like him."- usually silly boy now had a certain frown while explaining to his teammates what he saw the other day. 

"Yeah,that's fair. Isn't he scrawny looking?I don't get it, girls are supposed to like someone with different physique." 

"Maybe she likes him because he is smart."-Kenma said as he looked up from the ground,sweat dripping everywhere after having to run for fifteen minutes straight. 

"Well there are plenty of smart guys in our school,she didn't have to go find him all the way there." 

"What are you all blabbering about. Get back to running. We still have three laps to go over today." 

"Kuroo shut up and go run by yourself." 

"Why so mean Kenma?" 

"Did you know f/n is dating Akaashi from Fukurodani?" 

"What?" 

"Yeah,Yamamoto saw them." 

"You didn't know? I thought you two were like best friends or something." 

"We are. And I'm pretty sure she went out with him as a friend." 

"Sure she did. That's why they were smooching." 

"Whatever. Fasten your pace. You all run like old ladies." 

For how many times was Kuroo surprised by you,he can't count. Something was going on with you and he seemed to meet dead ends each time he tried breaking the aura you put around you. Why were you even mad? You usually didn't react like that. Maybe sometimes. Why does he always question everything when he is around you... You must be Sphinx after having so many riddles for him to answer.  
After finishing up the last lap,Kuroo ran inside the gym, only two other members made it before him. They were catching a breath and drinking water as you were writing down a time it took for them to get there. Statistics that Kuroo used to do previously now were being done by you,it made him smile. He made you learn all sorts of panels for different types of measures that you always whined about. 

"How long did it take me?" 

"It took you two seconds longer than previous time." 

"I would've been here earlier but I slowed down because I had to push others to continue running." 

"Sure. I will cut you seven seconds." 

"Make it ten." 

"Ok."  
He pushed past you while searching for a clock on the gymnasium wall. After reading the time he turned to look at you ,hands on his hips and sweat on his forehead. You seemed to be in talkative mood with everyone but him. Yamamoto was making you laugh while you tried finishing the statistic paper for those who arrived later.   
As soon as the last member arrived, he clapped hands and did a small talk on what is coming up and how they had to get ready for nationals and not disappoint him. It was a very motivational speech and he was able to get through everyone,even Kenma.   
Too busy to listen to whatever was going on,you typed out a message to Akaashi telling him when you would be over with practice. He seemed to be busy studying but wanted to spend time with you and where's a will there's a way. You two would be going to study together in a nearby youth center that had private rooms where you could be together and have some privacy but also br near each other. 

Volleyball practice seemed to last longer than expected and just as you were to turn off the lights and lock the door,a hand tapped you on the shoulder making you gasp in surprise. 

"Got a second?" 

"You made me jump out of my skin Kenma,but sure." 

"I know you and Kuroo are in argument but I want you to know that he isn't feeling his best right now." 

"Kenma,I appreciate you trying to speak for him but this is something that neither you or me get to have a take in. If you do send him my words,just remind him that the friendship works both ways." 

"I understand. Thanks for sparing time. I will talk with him. Goodbye." 

"Bye Kenma." 

Bky petite in built waved goodbye and started walking away as you made sure to double lock the building. It has been a while since you've felt this calm. The air was cold and even under the many layers of clothes the crispness managed to touch your skin. Your phone screen quickly fogged up as soon as you took it out from a warm pocket and you struggled to type out a message as you walked down the path towards the school gate. 

"I didn't knoe you had to lock up." 

"Oh,hey Keiji. Yeah sorry, it comes with the manager duty. Sorry for making you wait." 

"You seem tired, luckily for you I had time to spare. Here. It's stil hot." 

"Ooh,thanks. It smells so good. Since when did it get so cold? I was wearing thin layers just few days ago." 

"I don't mind it. It's all good until it stars snowing. At least it is nice,we can see some of the sky under the clouds." 

"Bare minimum shouldn't appreciated. How was your day?" 

"Had to deal with few problems here and there,Bokuto,the usual,you know." 

"I just remembered that Bokuto is third year just like me. What university will he go to?" 

"I am not sure. He got few calls to be part of universities in the States but he said he will stay here." 

"That's good. How about you? You told me you were taking esrly exams, you're not planning to finish earlier?" 

"Actually I was taking finishing exams for the second year two weeks prior,that's why I was so busy. Now I am preparing papirs and everything in order to finish in the same time as you and Bokuto." 

"Why are you doing that to yourself? Be happy that you still have time to waist." 

"It will all be worthy. And I can rest after finishing my studies." 

You turned and smiled at him and noticed his eyes were shut close as he was happy in his thoughts. His arm was free so you put your arm around,locking them as you two walked to the train station. The whole time you two spent talking and enjoying the ride that was short but pleasant. As soon as the door opened a gush of cold air hit you and both laughed while making sure to not create a line.  
Smell of holiday food was tempting you and with New Year just around the corner,the attraction towards the shining lights and decorative shops kept stealing your attention. Everyone seemed to be at peace. 

"Let's go do something fun on winter holiday." 

"Like what?" 

"Sledding and visiting shrines." 

"Oh yea,I remember she used to avoid me during holidays because she was visiting places with you." 

"Sorry for stealing your girlfriend,but she was my friend firstly." 

"I think that Youth center is the street on the right?"  
The more you walked the more you forgot about something and then the realization of being free to move your shoulders quickly hit you and you turned to take the bag that was dangling from Akaashi's shoulder. He placed a hand over yours,stopping you from removing it. After getting in the train he offered to take your bag and you jokingly agreed but now you felt guilty for making him carry your baggage. Obligingly you agreed on letting him carey it until you reached the free room.   
Some of the rooms were closed since the meetings of voluntary groups were being held while others seemed occupied by students such as you and Akaashi.  
One after the other, you two walked past the rooms in different colours and decorations only stopping by the first empty one. 

"This will do." 

"If you need help,don't ask me. I may excel but I wipe it out of my memory as soon as exams are over." 

"Got it. I will go and ask for a wifi password, be right back." 

Door opened and closed and you were left to unpack the books and notebooks that you needed to study from. The notes you were writing had to distinct colors, the things you should know being painted in red and those you already knew being dyed blue. The writing was messy but readable, you had overwritten your wrist into the messy. 

||19:23|| 

Kuroo  
\- Let's meet up at Moe's tonight, I want to talk with you 

You  
-I can't tonight. 

Kuroo  
-F/n it's Thursday night,what do you possibly have to do 

You  
-Sorry to burst your bubble,but I have life outside the time I sped at school and practice or with you 

Kuroo  
-I will be by your house at 19:50 

You  
-Have fun with my parents 

Kuroo  
-See you soon 

"Ready to break our brains on things we won't need?" 

"Can you ever prepare yourself for that?"


	16. Chapter fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it about the time for me to put slow burn in tags? Is this a slow burn? Idk tbh. ANYWAYSSSS STAY HEALTHY AND SAFE!!

The afternoon air put you to sleep slowly. Your eyes were closed and all the sounds were muffled by a pair of headphones that let out the sound of the flute. The open wooden veranda overlooked the courtyard, which shone under a thin layer of snow. Futon warmed your body, which was completely relaxed in the embrace of a dark-haired man.  
Akaashi's bangs fell over his face, moving with each exhalation of air. His lungs were hugged against your back, one arm resting over your waist and the other tucked under your head, serving as a pillow.  
The snow did not stop blowing and everything smelled of cinnamon cookies that had been eaten a long time ago. Your thoughts were blurred under the influence of fatigue that appeared suddenly, like a camera flash. This comfort and convenience vanished quickly at the conclusion that someone had entered the house. Your head rose from Akaashi's hand in search of a person slowly approaching the wooden door. The piece shifted to the side revealing a guy dressed in a thick jacket falling barley under the calves of his legs. His hair was wet at the ends while his cheeks and nose were flushed from the cold. Without warning, he threw his jacket on the floor and pushed himself in front of you, kicking his feet under the futon. Akaashi, who was still in the sleep phase, closed his eyes and tucked himself into your neck, stretching his numb legs. 

"Bokuto move a bit,I have no space." 

"But I'm cold. Let's just sit here for a while." 

"Bokuto be quiet we're sleeping."

Bosnian – detected 

English 

The muscular guy frowned as he looked at his friend who was enjoying the quiet of the afternoon. You laughed, giving him a hand he accepted. Unlike the two of you, he had nothing warm to protect his fingers from the frost. The contrast between his cold and your warm palms pleased you. 

The music of the wooden flute and the cold air brought you back into the fog between dream and reality. Uneven breathing over time turned into a symphony of three almost grown children. The sun was fading fast and in the moment between the purple sky and the dark path, the street light came on shining brilliantly yellow.  
However, that is not the one who disturbed your sleep. The vibration of the phone that laid on the table woke you. The device didn't stop shaking for a few minutes, so both Akaashi and you woke up watching who was calling.   
On the locked screen, there were three missed calls from your crush, your friend, Kuroo. The screen did not even manage to turn black because a new call was made, again from the same person. This time Bokuto woke up, his hand swung and picked up the phone.  
"Who is this?" 

"Bokuto?" 

"Kuroo?" 

The said guy removed the phone from his ear and looked at the name of the person he had called. For a moment he was confused as to why his competitor from Fukurodani Academy had contacted him. Making sure he hadn't called the wrong person, he put the phone back in his ear. Sly eyes on his face indicated suspicion and curiosity. What does your phone had to do in Bokut's possession?   
"Bokuto?" 

"Yes?" 

"What the hell are you doing with a f/n's phone?" 

"Well, I'm trying to sleep, but you're calling like crazy." 

After noticing the displeasure on the gray-haired guy's face, you took the phone from his hand. Your eyebrows met in the middle as you bit your cheek in anger.   
"What do you want?" 

"Where are you?" 

"It doesn't matter. What did you need?" 

"I'm waiting for you in front of the library, we were supposed to prepare your entrance exam today?" 

There was a pause on both sides of the phone line. What he said was true. Although you were angry and not on good terms, he insisted on teaching you chemistry. This time you moved the phone away from your face to see the time on the digital clock. According to it, you should have been there half an hour ago.   
"Did you forget?" 

"I'll come now. Don't move." 

"Look, I realize you forgot. You don't have to come. I understand you have priorities. Say hello to Akaashi." 

"I'll be there in a few minutes. Don't go anywhere." 

A short click of the tongue was heard before the call was completed. You quickly got up and stretched, running around the porch and taking your things that were sitting scattered around. Two pairs of eyes watched you, one with intrigue and the other with mild disappointment.  
"Are you going?" 

"Something came up. I'm sorry. Let's do this another day. I'll make it up to you, I promise." 

The black-haired guy got up and opened the door of his home for you, saying goodbye to you. You came over and hugged him quickly, he came closer and kissed you on the forehead. The corners of his mouth laughed as they watched you run the slippery path to the gate that remained open behind the reckless Bokuto. 

It hurt a little. You ran straight to Kurroo. He didn't want to share you,after all, because of you he tried to finish all the documentation as soon as possible and to ask for an early graduation from high school. He didn't understand why you had to go to him suddenly. He didn't care enough to get upset because any attempt to shove you into the box would keep you away from him. He let you go. You're smarter than running like a dog around that cat of a man. And he really is a cat. And a mean and conceited one for that.But not smarter than him. 

Kuroo was surprised once again. Lately, that was the only word he could use to define his feelings. You weren't yours. 

You showed up for workouts forgetting half the things you were supposed to do. You were late for class and didn't dive into lectures anymore. During the tests, you would do fewer tasks than usual, and he noticed that you started typing messages on the phone instead of taking notes. It wasn't you. He tried to complain to you about what he was going through, but you didn't even want to know about him, let alone anything else. You ignored him and neglected all obligations in your life. It wasn't you.   
Something happened in your life and the only person he could blame was Akaashi Keiji. Since you became a duet with him, you have changed. Whatever happened to you, he didn't like it.   
For the past few days, his parents had been arguing non-stop and he could not sleep. The university he applied for rejected him. Alisa could not go out with him because she had lectures. The whole team didn't listen to him and they made trouble. He was arguing with you and couldn’t talk to Kenma because the younger one had warned him that he had to change his behavior.   
Suddenly everything went down the sidelines. To which god and to what holiness did he resent it so much that everything went badly for him.   
He used to go through trouble watching you and your smile and ot helped. He watched you all his life and now that he needs you the most, you're gone. 

He got up early this morning to prepare the most important items from the lesson, even typed them into a computer and printed them out for you. As a sign of reconciliation, he also bought you a cake that you adore from your favorite pastry shop. And you? You forgot about him. 

Who knows what part of the city you're in now. While he's freezing here, you hang out with Bokut and Akaashi.  
Not fair.   
Not fair.  
Not fair.  
It's really not fair.   
You have a wonderful family, you are successful in all areas of life. You are beautiful and you are unique. You have everything he doesn't have.  
Not fair.   
He loves you but he is jealous of you. Why does someone have everything and he has nothing. It's not okay. Where is the balance that everyone is talking about? Why do you have everything he craves and you don't appreciate anything? He is annoyed by your attitude. Someone would kill for all that, and you don't care and complain about the little things.  
Not fair.  
He is not the envious person but right now,the madness got over him. He isn't just jealous, he is envious. He want it all. He deserves it. He worked so hard but got nothing. Why did everything go wrong for him once you left his side?   
Was some diety playing games on him? Was a curse put on him? What was going on with his life? 

"Kuroo, I'm sorry. Really. I was distracted and forgot about this." 

"What do I get from your apologies?" 

"Excuse me?" 

"Come on, don't sell me those stories. We know each other. Very funny. Go and make fun of me with your new friends. How you screwed up Kuroo. Ha-ha. Very funny." 

Your eyes changed the glow. They no longer showed guilt but prepared for confrontation. What's happening? 

"What are you on? Where did you get all this?" 

"Come on, please stop. If we're going to hang out like this, we're better off not being friends at all. Hold this. Let this be the last gift from me, to you." 

"Hey, cut it out ?! What's the matter with you? I said sorry. This is the first time something like this has happened to me." 

"I don't want to talk to you at all. Leave me alone." 

Kuroo turned to leave as soon as he shoved the paper bag into your hands along with a folder full of paper. Out of him boiled a rage that you could not explain. Nothing was clear to you. Hoping to sort things out, you ran after him. 

"Stop. Tell me what's going on? I don't understand this reaction of yours." 

"Get away, I'm going on the train. I don't want to stand on this frost for a minute longer." 

"Will you stop? You have to tell me what's wrong?" 

"What don't you understand ?! I don't want to be your friend. LEAVE! ME! ALONE!" 

An unexpected gesture followed these words. In a few seconds you were out of his way. He pushed you with all his might and you slipped on the icy cobblestones. To make matters worse, severe pain erupted from your ankle. You have never experienced such pain before. Despite the rubbing, nothing helped. It was obvious that your ankle was broken. 

"Okay. If you don't want us to be friends, we don't have to be."


End file.
